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FEATURE: A little bit of mental health magic… 

The magic that happens at MindOut is when people get the space and the support they’ve been waiting for, somewhere they can share some of the hard work of living with mental health issues.

NINETY per-cent of our service users live or work in Brighton and the surrounding area, but some come from further afield, places where the services we have in Brighton are non-existent, or not accessible for other reasons.

Bandu lives in London where they’ve been for the last 20 years. For Bandu, gender and sexuality have always been the cause of great inner turmoil. Over the years they’ve experienced periods of self-hatred and shame, sometimes so severe that they wanted to die. Thinking about suicide and planning suicide often replaced thoughts about their identity, about how to ‘come out’, about how to tell their friends, about how to tell their family. They couldn’t face the fear and shame, and it was easier and a relief to think about how to end it all.

For Bandu, self-care was very hard to do, they just couldn’t find a way to like themselves and they felt worthless, a sense of happiness or pride seemed so far out of reach. They knew they were not straight, not in the conventional sense, as this was muddled with their gender identity and their appearance. How they appeared to the rest of the world and what they were compelled to identify as was not who they were. The confusion, the not fitting in and the isolation were beyond painful.

Finding mental health support or any community support in London was difficult and Bandu feared meeting anyone they knew. They tried talking to a doctor, but the look of impatience in the doctor’s eyes made Bandu feel worthless, they couldn’t speak about their distress to a stranger, a professional.

Bandu had friends and family from Tanzania who were lovely, kind and generous people.  But sharing thoughts about suicide or gender identity or sexuality wasn’t a possibility and they knew they’d never talk about it. Bandu felt guilty for keeping secrets and guilty for having problems when they had been given so much help from their friends and their family.

Bandu tried to meet other LGBT+ people, but  mostly didn’t feel safe as a queer black person. They often felt even more misunderstood and excluded. It seemed that all efforts to connect with people left Bandu feeling more isolated and alone.

Bandu had visited Brighton with their parents as a teenager. They remember enjoying the beach and the sunshine. They also remembered negative comments made by their father about alcohol and homosexuals; both felt like a warning directed to Bandu. As an adult remembering their father’s words they Googled ‘Brighton Queer Black’ and followed a link to mental health and wellbeing support offered at MindOut for LGBT+ people of colour.

The first thing Bandu found was the online support service, which has a regular session for people of colour. This was helpful as Bandu could open up about how suicidal they felt, without fear of judgement and Bandu didn’t have to make an appointment or go anywhere, the service was simply on their phone. They asked what else MindOut does and found out about a weekly peer support group for LGBT+ people of colour.

Bandu decided to try it. It was a group, and Bandu had anxieties about meeting other people but also wanted to. The group was only for people of colour and Bandu rarely (never?) had the opportunity to meet only with other queer people who were also people of colour. It was too good an opportunity to pass by. Bandu was encouraged by meeting with the facilitator before starting in the group, it helped to know how the group was run, that there were ground rules and that it was confidential.

It meant travelling to Brighton, but Bandu felt good about that, it was good to get away from London once a week, good to have a journey to make for something that was just for them. Bandu felt hopeful.

In the group, Bandu found people with similarities and with differences. At times it was painful and moving to listen to other people’s difficulties and really feel for them, at times it was hard to talk about their own experiences. After a few weeks, Bandu found that they felt more connected to the other group members, eager to hear how they were and able to share in their ups and their downs.

There were tears and there was laughter. Bandu looked forward to going.

Bandu was surprised by how much they could offer to others, how good a listener they were and how well they could encourage people to open up. Bandu is thinking about volunteering with MindOut, perhaps as a Peer Mentor, perhaps on the online service, or maybe both.  They would like to be useful.

Bandu is now planning to move to Brighton.  They know this won’t be easy as their work is in London. They know they remain far from at peace with their identity and their sexuality.  They still can’t imagine being out to their family but they do feel less suicidal, less desperate and less despairing. They feel they’ve changed for the better and at times they don’t feel so alone. Bandu is pleased that they’re asking for and receiving support within their own community. Bandu knows there is support for them and that makes a world of difference.

MindOut INFO
MindOut offer advice and information, advocacy, peer support group work, peer mentoring, suicide prevention, low-cost counselling and online support. All our services are confidential, non-judgemental and independent.

For more info:
• call 01273 234839
• email us on info@mindout.org.uk
• online at: www.mindout.org.uk where you’ll find opening times for our online service.

OPINION: Sam Trans Man – Thinking beyond gender.

Dr Samuel Hall on dismantling the false divide and achieving true equality.

JUST recovering from my second lot of genital surgery. The first operation, where they skinned my arm to make my penis and sliced both buttocks up to cover the deficit on said arm, left me deeply traumatised, both physically and mentally. It’s perhaps a good thing you can’t really know what this is going to be like until you do it (a bit like having a baby). I could only ever glimpse what was to come – ultimately the acquisition of a functioning penis, bodily integrity, improved mental health and wellbeing.

I could barely imagine the impact for those close to me, who cannot yet see how much happier I am, because there is a time lag as what is going on under the surface rises slowly to become visible to others. The fact is, this second (and not so long) operation, involving some very unpleasant rearrangement of my undercarriage, has meant I can now pee through the penis created at the first surgery. And that, my friends, has led to happiness I have rarely experienced, save perhaps following the births of my three children.

This has taken me totally by surprise. I didn’t expect to feel quite this degree of joy, peace, integrity and contentment. At huge expense, but totally worth it, and importantly for me as a clinician, proving that this is indeed the cure for gender dysphoria. I cannot see gender any more, it’s just… disappeared.

This element of transition isn’t something all trans people do, or need to do. There are more trans people who haven’t and never will have gender reassignment surgery, either through lack of funds or access to surgery, or through lack of need from a psychological perspective. This is a little known or understood fact outside trans circles, or perhaps even within them, where the binary persists despite the very deconstruction of it that we are doing with our bodies. There is no one way, no right way, to be trans. For some it’s as simple as needing to be acknowledged as sitting more comfortably outside of the binary; using gender neutral pronouns, seeing themselves as a person first and foremost. In fact this is increasingly common, and rightly so, since the gender binary is an arbitrary societal construct which has been increasingly reinforced throughout Western and much religious history.

More and more people are defining themselves as non-binary, including many people who don’t see themselves as trans at all, which is fair enough, since the very concept of non-binary is transcendent of gender altogether. To me the arrival point of this natural evolution of thinking is beyond gender. To a place where an understanding of what true equality means. In the same way that the breaking down of racial barriers or even the concept of race at all, results in an appreciation of the equal value of human beings of all skin colours.

Other trans people, myself included, have such a severe sense of mismatch, that the surgery becomes inevitable, a matter of time only. Especially if you live in a country where there is access to surgeons and/or funding for treatment, which is increasingly the case in first world countries.

I can’t help thinking though, that we are missing a trick here. You see if the issue of gender is a societal one, then surely the breakdown of gender in society can lead to the equality so many of us long for. I may have this wrong, but my understanding is that one of the fundamental aims of feminism is to achieve equality with men. If the abolition of gender as a restrictive binary choice is championed, surely this is one of the quickest ways to achieve equality?

This is why I struggle so much to see the logic behind the anti-trans lobby that is so very vocal and well-funded at the moment. We are natural allies with feminists. With the mothers who are distressed by their child’s gender variance, with the angry lesbians and loud voices protesting against the violation of women’s safe spaces. There is so little logic behind the constant assertion that trans women (assigned male at birth) are a threat to cis female people in any circumstance.

Of course it’s always possible to find the exception that proves the rule. So a sad case of a trans woman sexually assaulting female prisoners has been held up as the reason for initiating the exclusion of all trans women from all such safe or female-only spaces. This is akin to suggesting that all people of colour should be excluded from a certain place or space based on the infringements of one individual. Such action would never be condoned in our society today.

The breakdown of gender is both desirable and necessary for the advancement of human consciousness and our understanding of ourselves as species. It is equality that drives respect for all people, animals, plants and planet. It is equality that underpins political movements on the liberal left, seeking to iron out the grossly unfair distribution of wealth, food, education and opportunity. It is equality that should prompt us to move away from using ‘political correctness’ as a slur, or accusing people of being snowflakes because they call us out on things we hadn’t considered before.

Gender causes the oppression of half of the Earth’s population and, like race, affects us all. If we truly believe that all human beings are equal, we must continue to fight this battle against the increasing tendency to reinforce gender norms in both subtle and brutal ways. From the pink or blue nursery wares, to the rape of women and girls in war-torn countries, we are all steeped in, and deeply attached to this false divide. Modern feminists on the right side of history need to let go of their firmly held position in this binary to see the wood for the trees. Then we won’t need a debate. We are all the same.

BOOK REVIEW: Ripples from the edge of Life by Roland Chesters

Ripples from the Edge of Life

By Roland Chesters

When given a prognosis of two weeks to live and then being told he had both HIV and AIDS the author, shaken to his core embarks on a series of life changing decisions. In this book Chesters, along with a dozen other people all talk frankly and with an honest charm, about their own diagnosis experience with HIV and how that altered them, changed them and brought new insight into their lives.

This is essential reading for anyone recently diagnosed with HIV or for folk supporting them. Apart from the expected thick crust stuffing of hope, and the day to day coping mechanisms of living with HIV which I anticipated from this book, there’s also Chester’s unexpected humour and rather brutal honesty in talking about how he dealt with this shocking experience. In these days of Prep and the flickering hope of a HIV vaccine, we urgently need to be reminded of true lives lived with HIV, and lived well.

His reflections on his life puts thing into context and it felt like listening to someone much-loved recanting a story of survival to me. Allowing us readers to comprehend the earthquakes of emotion which accompany these kind of shattering medical revelations and also how to put them in perspective, understand their impact and learn to live, fully and with passion our remaining days out. None of us know how many heart beats we have left, facing mortality is a culturally difficult thing, this book gives us clear clarion voice after voice which shows us, gently, but insistently there many ways of successfully navigating horrific times, and surviving.

For more info or to buy the book see the publishers website here.

Two Brighton and Hove Camera Club exhibitions at Jubilee Library

The Brighton and Hove Camera Club are staging two exhibitions at the Jubilee Library in February.

'Southwick' by Colleen Slater
‘Southwick’ by Colleen Slater

THE first is to commemorate the life and work of the late Bill Wisden MBE and Honorary Fellow of the Royal Photographic Society, who passed away last year.

The exhibition is a showcase of around 80 prints which will be a mixture of Bill’s darkroom and his later digital work.

The exhibition of Bill Wisden’s work runs for two weeks from Monday, February 11 to Saturday 23 at Brighton’s Jubilee Library.

The second exhibition, also at the Jubilee Library, runs from Monday, February 25 until Tuesday, March 12 and showcases the work of Brighton and Hove Camera Club’s members. There will be around 70 images demonstrating both the scope and range of the club’s photographers and their diversity of interest. 

The club itself is a thriving group of over 140 members of all ages, from all walks of life, with various levels of ability that aims to help them with their photography both creatively and technically, whether they use film or digital.


Event: Brighton and Hove Camera Club – Bill Wisden MBE Exhibition

Where: Jubilee Library, Jubilee St, Brighton BN1 1GE

When: Monday, February 11 to Saturday, February 23

Time: For opening times, click here:

Cost: Free entry


Event: Brighton and Hove Camera Club – Exhibition of Members Work

Where: Jubilee Library, Jubilee St, Brighton BN1 1GE

When: Monday, February 25 until Tuesday, March 12

Time: For opening times, click here:

Cost: Free entry

BOOK REVIEW: Ayiti by Roxane Gay

Ayiti 

By Roxane Gay

This first collection from authentic, transformative and enchanting Roxane Gay is a heady mix of fiction, factual experience folded and blended in with poetry. Then heavily flavoured with voices from the Haitian diaspora experience. Gay is the bestselling author of the memoir Hunger and in Ayiti,  we feel and hear her skill at representing  overlooked or unheard voices.

She takes us into the world of people pulled away and then back towards this powerful intoxicating country. She unpeels the tensions of migration and return.

A married couple seeking boat passage to America prepares to leave their homeland. A young woman procures a voodoo love potion to ensnare a childhood classmate. A mother takes a foreign soldier into her home as a boarder, and into her bed. And a woman conceives a daughter on the bank of a river while fleeing a horrific massacre, a daughter who later moves to America for a new life but is perpetually haunted by the mysterious scent of blood. Each narrative evokes emotional connection and beautiful lived experience.

She intersects brutality and fairy-tale, first person and dream, the books shifts on a sentence, lurching into a new reality, like a boat catching the wind at night. Not shy to call it as it is, Gay uses her power of convincing narrative and the strength that comes from belief and struggle to breathe life into the voices in this superb book and to force us, on her beautiful affirming terms to reevaluate our own clichéd misconceptions about Haiti and see it seething with potential and astonishingly pertinent lessons in life.

For more info or to buy this book see the publishers website 

REVIEW: Ghost – The Musical @Theatre Royal

Ghost – The Musical

Theatre Royal Brighton

Walking back to their apartment late one night a tragic encounter sees Sam murdered and his beloved girlfriend Molly alone, in despair and utterly lost. Then with the help of a phoney storefront psychic, Sam, trapped between this world and the next, tries to communicate with Molly in the hope of saving her from grave danger…

The movie Ghost has proven to be one of cinema’s biggest all-time hits.  It was the highest grossing film of 1990 and won an Oscar for screenwriter Bruce Joel Rubin who has adapted his screenplay for this musical with some superb songs co-written by Eurythmics’ Dave Stewart alongside the famous song from the film – The Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody.

The theatre was packed last night and audibly excited and as the curtain went up; as soon as the set and case started moving this production hit the gas pedal and roared through the night.  Director  Bob Tomson has brought a polished cast of diverse talent and melded them into an engaging musical ensemble, each one shining bright & adding their talent to the whole, some lovely stand out moments of excellent flair  giving a polished foundation for the principal singers  to really put some heft behind their passion.

Ghost is an odd thing, a murder mystery, comedic thriller, classic supernatural love story, and that’s just the plot but – as the film showed- it can work. The ensemble choreography from Alistair David both underpins the setting of the play in a busy ambition & money driven New York and allows some sly & clever updating of the piece with mobile phones, suave moves and retro metro costuming.

Niall Sheehy and Bekki Lowings as Sam and Molly have a believable relationship both alive and dead, and their singing wraps itself into subtle, sweet and –when called for – full octane harmonic bliss. They are great to watch together and the tender unfolding of narrative of love ripped apart by tragedy was done with sweet warm sophisticated tenderness. Jacqui Dubois as the psychic Oda May brings astonishing panache to the role, with a touch perfect comedy routine tightly wound up with that stunning voice of hers, a terrific combination of laughter and audacious vocal conviction which wowed the Theatre Royal audience last night.  Her number ‘I’m Outta Here’ is the show stopper and she brings great warmth & humour to the journey of Oda May from reluctant fraud to decent person.

This is a great show, a feel good love story of tragedy and the ultimate redemption of loss, a rather hefty narrative done with such a light touch and segue of emotive realism that the audience were both laughing and crying. The band’s sound was a little loud last night which sometimes obscured some of the soloists lyrics but that didn’t detract from a lovely night out, in the final words from Sam as he walks into the light:

‘The love inside, you take it with you.’

Ditto to that,  catch it if you can.

Plays until Saturday, February 24

For more info or to book tickets see the Theatre Royal website here:

 

BOOK REVIEW: Boy Erased by Garrard Conley

Boy Erased

By Garrard Conley

Outed to his parents by his rapist after being attacked, his Baptists fundamentalist parents told him he had to go through ‘gay conversion therapy’ or leave the family forever, in a way this is their story, he dedicates the book to them.

This is horror, most honest.

He recounts his brutal journey into the ruthless brainwashing of the biblical based course but then turns and sees his true light, his one person truth. By dissecting and dismantling the complex web of power, pressure and conformity in his family, his small Arkansas community and also peeling away the layers of his own life he allows us, with his raw and stunning honesty to feel our way out of the awfulness of heteronormative erasure back to his own authentic honest gay life.

I was astonished. As a story it’s an inspiration, and as a writer Conley’s prose takes us firmly but comfortable by the hand and leads us though this narrative with a gentle vigour which allows us to comprehend the horror, appreciate his pain and suffering and then move forward into the learning, forgiveness and ultimate growth of his unlimited queer potential.

By confronting his buried past and the burden of a life lived in shadow, Garrard traces the complex relationships among family, faith, and community. At times heart-breaking, at times triumphant, Boy Erased is a testament to love that survives despite all odds.

For more info or to buy the book see the publishers website here. 

BeefMince makes Brighton debut during BBW

BeefMince, London’s BIG and BEEFY club night comes to the Rialto Theatre in central Brighton for a spectacular fundraising club night event on Saturday, June 15 during Brighton Bear Weekend 2019.

BEEFMINCE, pride of the London bear clubbing scene will feature an international line-up of DJ’s with DJs Catushead and Rob C delivering top quality dance music – vocal house with big chunky basslines, tech-house and electro-house on the dance floor with Brighton’s own DJ Josh Sharp giving you very funky vibe with classic and nu disco, house and club classics in the main bar.

Always steamy and sensational, this will be their first trip to the seaside. You can expect a welcoming crowd full of hotties, beards, cubs, bears and lovers of a good party!

BeefMince champions an ‘everyone welcome’ policy that creates an attitude-free atmosphere.

 

Graham Munday
Graham Munday

Graham Munday, Chair of Brighton Bear Weekend says; ”We are very excited to be teaming up with BeefMince this year to bring the guys in Brighton the best clubbing experience of the weekend. BeefMince at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern is always packed with the friendliest and furriest guys of all ages. It is going to be a great night that we all are looking forward to.”

Limited early bear tickets will be going on sale at noon on Saturday, March 30. Wristbands for the weekend will also give you extra discounted tickets when purchased at the same time.


Event: BeefMince Club Night during Brighton Bear Weekend 2019

Where: Rialto Theatre, 11 Dyke Road, Brighton BN1 3FE

When: Saturday, June 15

Time: 10pm-5am

Cost: Tickets and prices available shortly

For more information and full programme of events, click here:

Worthing Pride make history bagging ‘Best Event’ award

Worthing’s first ever Pride makes history again, by beating strong competition from established local events to be crowned Best Event at the Sunny Worthing awards, on Friday, February 15.

James Spencer and Andy Kelly from Worthing Pride Management Team
James Spencer and Andy Kelly from the Worthing Pride Management Team

THE popular annual awards ceremony, held at the historic Southern Pavilion on Worthing Pier, recognised outstanding achievements in 12 categories.

Each one was chosen and voted for by the public, with Worthing Pride achieving a “landslide” victory, according to a spokesperson at the ceremony.

The categories, such as Best Independent Retailer, Restaurant and Cafe, Arts and Crafts and Community Projects, saw Worthing Pride nominated alongside popular events like the Worthing Festival of Light.

Sponsors of Best Event category, local community magazine, Here and Now, said; “This is such a well-deserved award, not only to the team who organised Worthing Pride, but for the people of our town that supported and embraced the event, celebrating diversity. Its changed the perception of our town forever.”

In July 2018, sell-out crowds made the first Worthing Pride a huge success for the town. 700 people took part in the parade while thousands of spectators lined the streets to witness the colourful spectacle.

People from across all communities came together, regardless of sexuality, gender or age, for what was dubbed as “the biggest tea party and fete” ever created! The Worthing Pride team are delighted with that feedback.

Josie Kelly
Josie Kelly

Josie Kelly, founder of Worthing Pride, said; “We were overwhelmed with positive feedback from our first Pride. One of many guests wrote to say that he’d grown up a gay man in the town during the 80’s and 90’s and moved to London. He came back to Worthing for Pride and never thought that one day he’d see all couples, gay and straight, holding hands, being affectionate, alongside families, and no one caring. He said that for the first time he felt proud to be a gay man from Worthing. I am immensely proud.”

Worthing Pride returns on Saturday, July 13, with all proceeds going to local charity, The Hope Charity Project who connect families with children who have mental health problems.

Richard Hadfield
Richard Hadfield

The flamboyant Parade on the Prom will start at noon, followed by the Main Event at Beach House Grounds from 1pm till 10pm, hosted by Spice and featuring drag legends such as Dave Lynn and Davina Sparkle, plus Britain’s Got Talent winner, the ex-Collabro vocalist, Richard Hadfield.

Magic Queen, the UK’s best Queen tribute band will headline the main stage.

Tickets will be on sale in March, along with more Pride event and Parade registration information.

Worthing Pride, will be sponsored by local independent bar restaurants, the Cow Shed and Cow & Oak, and Equiniti,

Follow them on Facebook or visit the website; www.worthingpride.co.uk

Charlie Hides makes debut at Affinity this Sunday, February 24

In a change to their published cabaret schedule, Affinity Bar on St James Street present the debut of sensational cabaret queen Charlie Hides, this coming Sunday (February 24).

AFTER years working the British cabaret circuit, Charlie made headlines during season nine of Ru Paul’s Drag Race.
“We’ve been trying to book Charlie for some time, but our diaries never synced”, explains a spokesman for Affinity, which opened its doors in May 2018. “This is a great coup for us, we know how popular Charlie is in Brighton, and we can’t wait to welcome her to Affinity!”
“Charlie’s a stalwart for the bigger Sunday cabaret venues, and we’re excited to bring her to our bar; we’re all fans of her trademark humour, and we’re sure it’s going to prove a popular fixture!”
Charlie hits the stage at 5pm sharp, but due to Affinity Bar’s small stature it’s advised to get there early to guarantee your space for this award-winning show!
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