MindOut is a mental health service run by and for lesbians, gay men, bisexual, trans and queer people and they work with a huge range of mental health experiences.
Ronnie has agreed to share her story: it highlights some of the awful challenges for black, bi, homeless, HIV+ women in the UK today.
My name is Ronnie Mopufu and I’m 34 years old. I was born in Zimbabwe and came to England in June 2001. I had a very traumatic experience when I was diagnosed HIV+ in 2004. It’s a moment I’ll never forget as I was at the darkest moment of my life as I’d just left my trafficking situation and to receive news like this was devastating to me.
I didn’t know what the future had in store for me or the challenges I’m going to face along the way being black, bisexual, homeless and experiencing immigration problems. I had the whole package and all of these thoughts in my head kept going around and around.
Being HIV+ and a woman isn’t easy as you get stigmatised by people who assume all sorts about you and are very judgemental. I have all sorts of things said to me like I’m a prostitute, I’m damaged goods, I’m a moving coffin, I’m disgusting. There have been occasions where I’ve had to stand up for myself, risking my life. Being black as well made things worse as I faced discrimination from my own people. I suffered a lot of abuse and there’s a lot of stigma around HIV and AIDS. Millions of people are still dying today for fear of being HIV+ and the stigma of getting diagnosed as HIV+. Even going to the clinic for medication causes fear.
Being bisexual also made things harder as I suffered a lot of homophobic attacks. Growing up in Africa it’s taboo to talk about being gay, although there are gay people. The subject is brushed under the carpet.
Moving to Brighton helped me to find myself. I just loved the diversity, my eyes were open and I began to understand there was nothing wrong with me. There were people like me but this didn’t mean I was safe. I suffered a lot of abuse and homophobic attacks while living in Brighton, to the point I had to be careful who I met, where I went, the way I dressed and presented myself. Thanks to MindOut I really started to understand my transition and what I was experiencing. Brighton helped me find myself. But I still had to watch my back the whole time, where I sat, how I dressed, how I walked. I had a different look as a tom boy which got negative attention.
I was sofa surfing and very unwell. I used to cry a lot. I didn’t really understand what was going on with my body and mind. I’d lost a lot of weight which made a lot of people talk. One of my mates went through my belongings and found my medication. They Googled the tablets and then I was confronted about my status. I was kicked out of the home as they were scared they’d catch something from me. They told everyone in the community. Don’t get me wrong I’m proud to be black and love my people but there’s no confidentiality in my community.
I spent some nights sleeping in a pay phone. I couldn’t get housed or claim benefits as I was a failed asylum seeker with no citizenship.
In early 2008 my mental health started to deteriorate. I was really bad with low mood and felt suicidal. I started having bad panic attacks. I didn’t understand why I felt like that. I just thought it was normal. Coming from a third world country I’d never heard of depression or mental health. In my culture that doesn’t exist. They think that black people don’t suffer from these conditions as they’re Western diseases. They consider these conditions as a sign or weakness and you must be strong. There’s still a lot of stigma about mental health in my culture.
Thankfully, I got referred to MindOut in Brighton, a LGBT organisation. I was a mess, confused, bisexual, HIV+ with mental health problems. I was nervous as I’d just stepped into another world. I needed to open up and trust them with my life and personal issues. They really helped me. They were really patient with me and did not judge me. They gave me an understanding of who I was, why I felt like that and what I was going through and what had happened to me. It wasn’t an easy road though.
In early 2012 I met a lovely guy who was also bisexual through Facebook and we started to talk. He made me feel comfortable about myself and we had a lot in common. He helped me gain my confidence back, love myself and follow my dreams. I’d never dreamt of being a mother when I fell pregnant. In 2014 I had a very beautiful baby girl and a good pregnancy. Taking medication didn’t cause any difficulties. I had regular blood tests and made sure we were both healthy. The doctors were really helpful informing me about the risks of pregnancy and HIV. They made sure I had a safe delivery.
Mindout info:
If you would like to talk to someone about any aspect of your mental health, get in touch. MindOut services are confidential, independent, non-judgemental and free. MindOut services are run by and for LGBTQ people with lived experience of mental health issues.
For more information:
♦ call 01273 234839
♦ email info@mindout.org.uk
♦ find us online www.mindout.org.uk
They would love to hear from you.
Mindout Celebration
Join Mindout for their annual Celebration Event on Wednesday November 16 from 4.30–7pm at Dorset Gardens Methodist Church. Find out what they have been up to and what they might do next!
There will be a lovely buffet provided by Lunch Positive and there will also be entertainment! Everyone is welcome.
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