Review by Eric Page
This warts and all, literally no holds barred combination of memoir, reflections and essays is a treat. Author Zachary Zane jerks us through the gutters, sex clubs, fabulous lays and wretched mistakes of his sex life. But it’s no mere titillating freak show, this is experience as peer learning, a seriously oversharing account of how mistakes can lead to transformation, how trauma left to fester reasserts itself in damaging habits and how breakdown can be breakthrough. From stories of drug-fuelled threesomes and risqué Grindr hook-ups to insights on dealing with rejection and living with his boyfriend and his wife, Boyslut is reassuring and occasionally funny – a testimony that we can all learn to live healthier lives unburdened by stigma.
Zane has a full octane sex life, and I wonder if anyone drawn to the book for its male bi representation might start feeling some FOMO if their own sexual adventures don’t match up to the hedonistic depictions of sex here.
We are left feeling that this most ethical of BoySluts has found himself a safe, brave space, where shame, if not banished, is at least called out, nailed to the mast and used as fuel for the engines of his fabulous fuckfest of a body. Allowing unfettered, but wise, exploration of sensual, sexual and erotic sexual practice and an utter celebration of the sensations his mind and body, fully engaged in all their skin can offer. The core of this book is acceptance, and interrogating shame. Zane wants all men not just binary, or bi men to live free. Zane is explicit in his inclusion of all forms of sexual and gender identity being considered and empowered here. His refreshing attitude towards open honesty may make a few readers grab for their pearls, but I was only offended by the overuse of exclamation marks.
Boyslut carefully points out the structures that society, upbringing, mythologies, expectations, community, family and shame have built into our minds, stopping the exhilaration and celebration of sex, and the unbridled freedom of our own minds and imagination. He looks at the effects of toxic masculinity, the damage he caused partners with clumsy attempts at fulfilment, and his relationships with his family.
His embrace of mental freedom is rooted in a rejection of shame and controlling behaviours that are self-regulated and that harm us when internalised. Boyslut shatters that, and places desire, fulfilment and queer sexual joy at the sweaty throbbing heart of our lives. If, of course, that’s what you want… One of his concepts is ‘RACK’, which is ‘risk-aware consensual kink’. RACK posits that you’re allowed to take risks when you have sex and he suggests what you need to be aware of to do that with responsibility and with awareness.
This sex and relationship columnist for men’s health brags and bares it all, the book is laid out in a series of essays that explore the author’s coming-of-age and coming out as a bisexual man and move toward embracing and celebrating sex unencumbered by shame and in this there’s some strong advice. Perhaps a little more care around advice around sexual infections and the impact of treatments and ways to avoid infections would have been welcome; in a sex positive, responsibility way.
His advice on not sharing your own mental health woes, worries or pressures with friends or loved ones is misguided and doesn’t acknowledge the deep compassion and support that can be gained through supportive friendships, but it’s a ‘bootstraps’ approach which obviously worked for him. Although he is a huge champion of accessing intensive psychotherapy to deal with the roots of shame.
But this is not his advice column, this is a self-declared swaggering manifesto for revolution, a crowing cockfest and a candid sweaty romp through his own filthy sex life! To throw off the shackles of shame, the niceties must go f**k.
Out now £19.99
For more info or to order the book follow this link.
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