Day: April 7, 2018

A recipe for Electronic dance with a dash of boredom.

SEEB show us what they can cook up in their newest single Drink About, featuring Dagny. May contain overdone rhythms and basic beats. Suitable for vegetarians. Spice free.

First preheat the oven to the lowest temperature possible – these beats are not hot or lit.  Next we can add some piano to the dish, but make sure you soak it in plenty of reverb first. Really drench the feeling of distance into the piano. We want it to sound like it’s in a church to cover up the fact that it’s not a real one; it has to sound classy.

Now grab a separate bowl and fill it with bland female vocals, all the way to the top until it over spills. That’s all we want here. Don’t mix anything else with it, it’s fine by itself. Now at this point you want to gradually turn the heat up to 120 degrees, it’s getting slightly more interesting, the water’s bubbling a bit, but not too much.

We don’t want too much excitement – it has to taste like any other popular song in the charts for us to make money from it. A pinch of that derivative drum machine pattern should be folded in to the mix, do it quickly though before we lose interest. It has to look like the track is going somewhere nearer the chorus.

Leave that to simmer for a moment whilst we start on the chorus /dance break /instrumental section. This is where we need to turn the heat up until the pan is red-hot and water is spitting.

A quicker tempo calls for another layer of trancing drums, so get yourself a pan and start cutting out the patterns. Don’t worry if you repeat the shapes a bit, nobody will notice – after all this track is best used in a club where people are having too much of a good time to notice the poor construction. Sprinkle a dash of thin synth strings and a generous spoonful of keys, until you can barely tell what instruments you’re tasting.

I see what you’re doing, put down those spices. We want this dish to be as bland as possible. See that bottle of wine over there? Grab it. Whoa stop what you’re doing, we’re not using it for this recipe. You can however feel free to take a swig, trust me, you’re going to need it to get through the rest of this track.

Repeat the instructions again from the beginning until you have two lots of food ready. Yep, this recipe is simple and lacklustre at best. Don’t expect any impressive songwriting or playing here, everything has been mixed and altered on a computer device.

Now once it’s cooked you should have yourself a typical dance song. Best served cold, with a side of unoriginality and copycat rhythms. Or if you’re feeling fancy, this track pairs well with any other song by Sigala, Kygo or David Guetta.