Tilo Flache helps guide men towards conscious sensuality through tantra-inspired experiences under the name of MenSensual.
HIS intention is to teach ideas and concepts you can experiment with while enjoying a sensual experience at the same time. What better way to feel good about yourself in the New Year and get fit in both mind and body.
What is conscious sensuality?
To understand this, you have to distinguish ‘feeling sensual’ from ‘being sexual’. And that’s the rub: for most men, gay or otherwise, feeling sensual and being sexual go hand in hand. When we are interested in someone, any kind of eye contact or touch can get us aroused pretty much from the word go. While that is perfectly natural, try to think of it as a mix of two separate things: the experience of having your senses tickled AND the expectation that something sexual might happen soon.
Mentally separating these two allows you to experience ‘feeling sensual’ without getting shunted on to the highway to sex right away. Remember when someone’s arm lightly brushed yours and you felt goosebumps along your arm? Followed by that urgent wish to ‘shake it off’ again? This could become a full body experience if you manage to leave ‘being sexual’ aside for now. Don’t panic, though: conscious sensuality does not mean it’s asexual, it just means that you look at things more broadly.
Tilo says: “Sex comes cheap and is readily available if we know where to look. Strangely, we seem to be able to extract and experience ‘being sexual’ on its own, while ‘feeling sensual’ is considered more of a side dish that ensures smooth delivery of sex.
“I believe that many men don’t quite know how to create a connection with their partner. Maybe you even consider an intense sensual connection as being too intimate? Or does it feel like a consolation prize because you don’t get instant gratification? Or does anything that goes beyond the sexual act seem like hard work for nothing much in return?”
The thin multi-coloured line
Tilo’s tantra-inspired classes focus on elements ranging from simple touch and connection exercises to intense elements involving breath, touch, sound, meditation and energy work. However, keep in mind that those are really only means to achieve an end. Your original intention might simply be ‘more enjoyment and connection’ with the other person, and your experience could lead you to higher levels of consciousness during meditation. The latter being, of course, the original point of the bulk of these exercises.
One of the biggest challenges for practitioners in sensuality is the mistaken belief that sensuality always goes hand in hand with sexuality. Sexuality deals with the physical aspect of personal connection, where sensuality is all about creating a container that goes beyond the physical act of sex. Think foreplay!
And this is where things get fuzzy: all practitioners in the sensual, erotic or sexual have had clients who were not quite clear about what they are really looking for on the sliding scale from sensual experience through erotic titillation to sexual fulfilment.
Each practitioner and client have their own personal interpretation of where and how far they want to go, what they expect to happen.
Tilo draws the line at hanky-panky. A practitioner worth that description will aim to stick to their red lines, even if this involves not giving in to their own arousal!
Tilo says: “My work is about giving you more tools to bring sensual aspects to your sexual encounters and make them more fulfilling.”
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