Openly gay British singer-songwriter Calum Scott, who rose to fame on Britain’s Got Talent, has revealed he almost took his own life after struggling with body dysmorphia and his sexuality.
In a recent episode of the We Need To Talk podcast, Calum, 36, said he lost school friends after coming out to another boy aged 14. “I had a lot of internalised homophobia because I was abandoned by my friends when I came out as being gay,” he said.
“We were just talking and it would come up again and I was just so down and fed up of the questioning, when he asked me I was like, ‘I don’t know if I’m interested in girls’ and he was like ‘What? Are you trying to tell me you’re gay?’ Scott recalled. “So I made the decision to say ‘Maybe’ and he was like ‘Alright’ and he skated away and told all the other boys and then we all went home.”
“The next day nobody came to call for me, nobody came to walk me to school and I went up to school and none of them wanted to talk to me at lunch,” the Dancing On My Own singer revealed.
“My whole life was my friendship group at that point, so for me my life was ruined from something I didn’t really understand and that was horrible, probably one of the lowest times in my life I’d say personally.”
Calum further shared that he’d scrutinise his appearance and write a list of things he hated about himself – which became like a “torture ritual”.
“I started to develop body dysmorphia, I found myself inspecting my body. I’d get my bedside a lamp and shine it on my skin, if there was something I didn’t like, I’d write it down in a notebook by my bed,” he said.
“I was so unkind to myself, I got to the point where I was drinking and not dealt with other emotions going on, it just got very very dark.
Calum detailed the moment where he found himself on a bridge – but admitted thoughts of his beloved mother saved his life.
He said: “I was looking over the edge and contemplating everything and being ‘what’s the point, I hate myself’.
“I was hating on myself so much and I had almost made a promise I was going to jump.
“In that moment, the first person that came into my mind was my mum.
“If I throw myself over this bridge now, what would that do to her?
“She would never forgive herself, she’d lose her son.”
Calum rose to prominence in April 2015 after competing on the ITV talent contest Britain’s Got Talent, where he performed a cover of Robyn’s hit Dancing on My Own and earned a Golden Buzzer from Simon Cowell. After placing sixth in the contest, he released his own version of the song as a single the following year, which peaked at number two on the UK Singles Chart and became Britain’s best-selling single of summer 2016.
If you are struggling to cope, call Samaritans for free on 116 123 (UK and the Republic of Ireland) or contact other sources of support, such as those listed on the NHS help for suicidal thoughts web page.
You must be logged in to post a comment.