Mark Kiley, 38, is best known for starring in Married at First Sight UK, however he is now opening up about a deeply personal tragedy – the suicide of his father Paul when Mark was just 20. This marks a significant moment for the LGBTQ+ reality TV star, as he aims to shed light on the stigma surrounding mental health and the impact of grief.
“My dad was a family man. He worked hard to provide for us. He wasn’t perfect, but everyone loved him. He was always the one to make people feel welcomed in our home.”
Despite the love that surrounded his father, Mark struggled with a sense of disconnection, “Growing up, I felt different. I wanted to play hairdressers, and dad would let me brush his hair. Looking back, maybe that was his way of trying to bond with me. But during my childhood, I didn’t understand that.”
Mark’s childhood memories reveal a complex relationship with his father, “We had some good times, but I often felt pushed aside. My brothers bonded with him over things like cars and motorbikes, while I was more comfortable with the women in our family. I thought he didn’t love me as much as he loved them.”
The situation worsened as Mark noticed a shift in his father’s mental health, “He was a man’s man who never showed his feelings. I don’t think he ever got help because he feared being seen as weak. As he struggled with work and his worth, he began to say things that raised alarm bells for us, like ‘It’s time for me to go’ or ‘You boys don’t need me anymore.’ Looking back, I can see the despair in those words.”
Mark’s distance from his father grew when his parents separated, “At that point, I was angry and didn’t want to speak to him. It caused me to push him away even more, refusing his attempts to reach out.
On 8 April 2007, everything changed. Mark received the devastating news that his father had taken his own life, “I was on my way to my nan’s house when I got a call from a family friend asking if everything was okay because the police were outside our home. I thought it was just another family drama. I had no clue what was really happening. I found out later that my brother had discovered him, and it shattered our family. I felt so much anger towards my dad for leaving us.”
In the immediate aftermath of his father’s death, Mark struggled with a complex mix of emotions, “I felt numb. I thought, ‘What difference does it make? We didn’t have a close relationship anyway.’ But that numbness was deceptive, it masked a deeper pain that I was unwilling to confront.”
“The first year was a blur. Everyone kept saying I seemed fine, but I wasn’t dealing with my feelings. When the first anniversary came around, it hit me hard. I realised I would never see him again or have the chance to say goodbye. The last thing I responded to was a text where he said ‘I love you,’ and I ignored it. That guilt became unbearable.”
For years, Mark turned to food and alcohol to cope, avoiding the grief that was laying heavily on him, and as the years passed, Mark found himself spiralling into despair, “After attempting to cope in self-destructive ways, I was hospitalised. It was a wake-up call. I really needed help.”
Mark was referred for counselling, where he began to face the reality of grief directly, “I had numerous sessions and participated in a group. It was uncomfortable at first, but I needed it. I realised I wasn’t alone in my struggles.”
Today, Mark is open about his mental health journey, including his use of antidepressants, “I take medication, and I’m not ashamed of it. It’s what helps me function. I want others to know it’s okay to seek help. It took me a long time to reach this point of acceptance, to truly understand I am not defined by my grief.”
As he reflects on the impact of his father’s passing, Mark acknowledges that grief can manifest in many ways, “For a long time, I was the worst version of myself. Instead of dealing with it, I chose to drown my sorrows, lash out, and blame everything else. I had to learn that grief isn’t something you can ignore, it will catch up to you.”
Mark also addresses the issues men face in opening up about their emotions, “Men are often seen as strong, and asking for help can be labelled as weakness. It hurts that my dad felt he didn’t have anyone to talk to about his struggles. I know there are other men who feel the same. We need to change that narrative.”
Mark hopes for a world where open discussions about mental health can lead to understanding and healing, “If I can share my story and help even one person, then it’s worth it. I want my dad to be remembered as a loving father, not just for his struggles. He worked hard for our family and encouraged us to be ourselves, even if we didn’t fully understand it at the time. It’s essential for everyone, especially men and those in the LGBTQ+ community, to know they are not alone and that it’s okay to seek help.”
If you are struggling to cope, call Samaritans for free on 116 123 (UK and the Republic of Ireland) or contact other sources of support, such as those listed on the NHS help for suicidal thoughts web page.
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