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Isolation by Richard Jeneway

YOU look but do you see? Well for me that is my life as a blind person. My focus is on what I hear observe by body language, smell, touch, voice inflection along with intuition and gut instinct.

WHEN we are out and about do we really see what is happening or do we unconsciously take away that what we don’t want to see? As we enter late winter and with thoughts of spring can we make some changes to what we actually see?

What do we hear? Do we listen when someone is talking to us? We think we do but can we remember or indeed reflect on a friends thoughts. When I listen to various groups of people who are older, I wonder if service providers hear and listen to people’s expectations and needs .Often I am advised that ‘collated statistics’ are evidence of the services people want, but are they?

Is anyone listening, I mean really listening?
Within the older HIV population and along with older LGBT+ communities, who is hearing what we say? In my view and evidence based it is the smaller organisations which are Peer and Volunteer lead are the ones who really do listen.

I was asked very recently by a funding organisation how charities along with small groups can connect with people who are isolated. There are so many reasons, feeling disconnected or not belonging to the community that surrounds us, mental health, depression, loss of friends and partners, carers or poor physical health, coupled with often with low-income and high living costs can contribute to isolation.

Some who are considered to be isolated choose that lifestyle for various reasons but are often contented with that way of life.

How do I know that? Because I know personally, some older people in the area when asked the answer is the same and little would draw them out of their established daily routine.

There is a sense of security we all feel within our living space, so listening to that group of people who may be isolated feeling intense loneliness breaking that routine is a great challenge.

Over the years of Volunteering I have listened with an open mind to many, mainly men, talking about loneliness and what mechanisms, if any, they have developed to combat those days when no one calls and the only contact is if they venture to the shop or have a coffee or via social media.

So would you notice someone sitting alone nursing a cup of tea and might you say Hello? Perhaps not for fear of rejection or a negative response or just because we are busy with our lives; but sometimes a few words can make a world of difference.

Now, there are many local organisations out there which offer lunch, supper, coffee and cake and various health, entertainment and hobby activities, but again if you are alone and feeling isolated and would like to connect but lack the confidence to engage I would urge you to go along even for half an hour to consider taking part. Many of the smaller groups and charities can offer a named volunteer to meet you at or just prior to the event and stay with you during the event and introduce you to others.

A great example of community peer lead events was the Lunch Positive supper evening this week. Over 40 people attended aged 50 and over. The range of food was fantastic and served at tables by the dedicated Volunteers.

This is a new event happening only for the second time. Many of the older people in Brighton who may be considered isolated do not feel connected to the scene because they do not attend bars where there is alcohol.

Many of their generation have died or just stay at home feeling the community has perhaps overlooked them. This event is a safe space where people with HIV can meet up, socialise and from what I hear fulfils a great service to what is a growing part of our community. As people live longer with HIV services like this are of high value, particularly because it is Peer lead by volunteers.

Something powerful stayed with me talking to people after supper. One older man told me he never goes out in the evening because he feels he does not fit in anymore. His routine is to stay at home, read, watch television or listen to music and social media.

His parting remark was that he felt energised coming to the supper and importantly excited about the next supper evening. He had met up with some old friends he had not spoken with for some considerable time. For me that is powerful for the simple reason that the supper has made at least one person break a self-inflicted routine.

Richard Jeneway
Richard Jeneway

If you are like that person or know someone who is alone then make the change and take the first step to try some of what is on offer, who knows you might end up re engaging with old friends or making new.

If money is an issue that need not be a barrier as some of the regular events are at low-cost. Discover what is going on locally and encourage someone who is alone to break out of their mould or better still offer to take them along.

We live in a City with such large LGBT+ communities of all ages,/cultures and genders which should be applauded and celebrated but let’s put the real meaning back into community by looking out for those who seem alone whatever their age.

Remember for those who are older being alone is often not their choice and is probably because of circumstances beyond their control.

Meet Richard Jeneway – a new trustee at Lunch Positive

Richard Jeneway talks about his appointment as a trustee at Lunch Positive, the weekly lunch club for people with HIV, offering food, friendship community and peer support.

Richard Jeneway with his guide dog Clover aka MooMoo
Richard Jeneway with his guide dog Clover aka MooMoo

“HIV AFFECTS us all in differing ways, for many of us closely, others less so. For me it feels that World Aids Day remains highly important because of the contributions and impact made by those who have passed, and whose loss we still feel.

They, together with the contributions of those still living with HIV, and those volunteering and working in the field make our lives possible today by better understanding HIV, ensuring research into improved treatments. Including: better tolerated medications, the emergence and development of highly effective prevention, enabling longer lives and the possibility of improved health. This is something I am strongly passionate about.

In 2011, I co-founded a small Peer lead community project with local and national funding from Rainbow Fund and the Lottery, with the focus on well-being, yoga and therapies for people with HIV or affected by HIV.
Since then I have trained as a mentor on the Project 100 course and now when my ongoing health issues issues allow me help people with HIV in a mentoring capacity as a volunteer.

Way back in time I went to a local HIV Project called Open Door, where I met Gary Pargeter. Since then, with a group of volunteers, Gary has gone on to found and establish Lunch Positive as a weekly lunch club for people with HIV.

In January this year I became a trustee with Lunch Positive. The charity has gone on to make accessible technical training available for my needs, (I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1994 when I became ill at work with pneumonia and the CMV virus. In 2006 I totally lost my sight, which is a legacy of cytomegalovirus) which supports me to fully engage with the work of the Charity now and in the future.

Lunch Positive is a peer led safe and friendly space where acceptance, empathy, supportiveness are the ethos of this community organisation. The service is provided by a brilliant team of volunteers, all caring passionately about what they do.

This is a welcoming social space for everyone affected by HIV, with over 50 people attending weekly of all ages, genders and cultures. Some are recently diagnosed others long-term diagnosed; the most important things is that everyone is welcome.

Volunteering is not just about giving. Hopefully like me, in return you gain a sense of being valued, heard, visible, useful and befriended. Your voice is genuinely valued. Some of us long-term HIV survivors are now entering older age and with Brighton statistics showing that almost 50 per cent of patients at the Lawson unit are aged 50 or over, we are a group that will inevitably continue to grow.

Some older people feel alone and isolated so it is important to consider everyone in any strategy as we age, Lunch Positive is a place that can break that isolation. If you would like to hear more please get in touch with Gary the Service Manager, one of the Volunteers or Trustees at Lunch Positive.

Thank you for reading this piece and I truly hope it gives you food for thought.

For more information about Lunch Positive, click here:

Richard with his two terriers Sidney and Digger
Richard with his two terriers Sidney and Digger

 

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